Over the last eight months or so, I’ve had difficulty separating work from my personal life. I have been unable to disconnect, which has left me with a low level hum of anxiety as a constant companion. To be clear, I am not working all the time; rather, I just carry work with me without release, no empty space to occupy my thoughts when I’m off the clock. I have been unable to sit in the moment in my downtime, unable to just enjoy or relax.
One stressor in this is that when I’m off the clock from work, I’m on the clock as father. There is no break, no rest, no solace. I chug through the work day and push through the evening for those one or two hours (if I am lucky) of “me” time. Once that time is available, I then feel guilt for not accomplishing more, not working more, not being involved as a husband or as a father more. Time is fleeting and our most precious commodity; once it is spent, there is no reclaiming it. It is finite and in high demand. I’ve been reading a 300 page book for months because I will not permit myself the time to just read.