My Last Hurrah

In March, I made the difficult decision to hang up my pads after the end of this season. I have been playing adult league hockey since 2011 or 2012. I forget the exact year I started, but I do remember us living in Nashville at the time, so it could not have been earlier than 2011. I had played roller hockey in high school and one year of ice hockey for the University of Louisville club team. There was a long lull between that season and when I started playing in an adult league here in Nashville. During that lull, I was very much out of shape and couldn’t imagine playing again. However, with lots of exercise and being smarter about what food I consumed, I slowly conditioned myself into playing shape.

When I started playing in the adult league, I signed up for the Lower C division, which is the most inexperienced division. My plan was to play a season or two, then move my way up to a higher skilled division. The problem became finding a permanent team in those divisions. I subbed some, even found a few teams that I would regularly sub for, but I never found one that was looking for a full-time goalie. I subbed all the way up to Lower A. Lower A was way too advanced for me and my skill level. I think I probably could have done a reasonable job in Lower B as I subbed there often in 2012-2014 and found success.

Eventually, life ebbs and it flows and I found myself, thirteen or fourteen years later, still playing in Lower C. During that time, while living in Nashville, I played for the Phantoms full-time. We were never the top team, but we had good camaraderie amongst the team and we had a lot of fun. In this league, everyone makes the playoffs; the game outcomes only determine the seeding during the playoffs. In the 2012-2013 season, we were at the bottom of the league which meant we would be playing one of the better teams in the first round. I remember being very anxious for that game. I remember wanting to win. I remember feeling a lot of pressure to perform well. The team we were playing chirped a lot and I was always annoyed to play them. It didn’t help that they were actually a really talented team, maybe even a little too talented for Lower C. Fortunately, I ended up playing a phenomenal game and had a shutout. One of their better players whined to the league coordinator and tried to suggest that I shouldn’t be allowed to play in the league. I have to admit, that felt pretty good. I followed up that game with another shutout in the second round. After two shutouts, I felt so much pressure to keep it going in the championship round. The championship round is a best of three series. Unfortunately, my tank was a little low and I was not able to repeat my previous performance. We lost in two games. I took that hard. I was excited that we had mad the championship, but I was disappointed that we didn’t win.

In the intervening years, I did not make another championship. I cannot recall if the Phantoms made a championship during my California years, but I would assume they did not. After I returned, we won a few playoff games, but just couldn’t make it all the way. When I announced my retirement to the team, this was a bit of a burr in my saddle. I didn’t bring it up, but I was a bit sad to think I wouldn’t have the chance to win a championship again. I thought of all the world class athletes who actually do this stuff for a career and to realize that some of the greatest athletes to ever play the game may never have the chance to play for a championship, let alone win one. I was fortunate enough to have made the championship round once. At least I had that to hang my hat on as we wrapped up the end of the 2024-2025 season.

I felt that our team turned a bit of a corner in the final few games of our season. Our games were closer and we were finding ways to score more goals (always helpful in a game where the objective is to score more than the other team). As we entered the final game of the season, we were in a position where we could play our way into the 5th seed (second to last seed). This would give us a more favorable path. Additionally, there were players on the Phantoms who would be unable to make the first round playoff game if we finished as the 6th seed. Fortunately, I was able to put together the last shutout of my career and we finished as the 5th seed. We followed that up with a nice win in the first round. We then followed that up with a nice win in the second round, which required a late game winning goal in the third period. We suddenly found ourselves in the championship. In a weird twist, we were playing the team that we played in the 2013 championship.

When we started the championship round, I felt fairly calm. I had a lot of confidence in our ability to stay in a game. I did not feel the pressure of needing a shutout for us to have a chance to win. Our defense was doing a lot of things right and they were taking away high probability scoring chances. Our offense was able to sustain pressure and they were making nice, clean passes. I just felt good. After taking the first game, I felt like I might be able to get my storybook ending. I didn’t want to presume, but I strongly felt that we had a good chance as long as we kept playing at the level we had been at over the last month.

Before the start of the second game, I started to get very anxious. I felt those butterflies in my stomach. I forced myself to eat before the game, to drink plenty of water, to stretch, to listen to music, to relax. By the opening face off, I was comfortable. We fell down 0-2 in the first period. I took a few deep breaths. I put my faith in my team. I strongly felt that we were not out of the game. By the end of the first period, we were tied 2-2. In the third period, we found ourselves up 4-2. About halfway through the third, they were able to score and draw within one. With just over a minute left in the game, they pulled their goalie. One of my defensive players secured the puck, looked up, and made a perfect pass through center ice to a streaking offensive player who was able to calmly put it into the back of the net. We found ourselves up 5-3 with a minute left in the game. I steadied myself. I thought of my father. I hummed music to myself. I focused. The rest of that minute was a blur, a frenzy of passes and shots that we were able to turn away. As the final horn blew, the defensive players on the ice came back to hug me. I was ecstatic. Justin, who I’ve played with for my entire time on the Phantoms, was the first player back and we just yelled in jubilation. It was joy, pure joy.

I didn’t need to win. If we had lost, the sun would have come up the next day and life would have continued. I, however, wanted this win very badly. It felt like an impossible story, something that I’m sure everyone would want, the chance to go out on top (no matter how small that molehill actually is) and it just feels really good to have a win, no matter how big or small.